Every day I realize more and more just how fickle “things” are. I mean anybody can make some money and buy expensive things. Sure my tastes are a little more high end and slightly more forward, but splurging on “things” is a common human practice. Be it car mods, video games, or accessories for the downstairs bathroom, every person tends to spend a little more money on certain “things”, and a little less on others.
The variation stems from personalities, surroundings and circumstances. I mean someone in the hood may not spend thousands on GUCCI pumps, but may spend 90% of there earnings on crack. You just never know.
That being said, I’m also realizing every day what its like to have other things in life make you happy; loving parents, a secure future, life insurance, waking up early. Long walks. Deep discussions. Food! And the most difficult lesson I’ve had to learn is that good friends are damn hard to come by.
I’ve got to stop putting people on a pedestal, expecting such great things from them. Reality is, people will let you down. Almost every day, I feel that I’ve finally established that inner circle, those few people, slightly interrelated, with whom I can begin to realize a lifetime of memories with.
Thing is, that list changes every day. And the laissez-faire attitude of some might ask for me to stop planning, categorizing and analyzing everything in my life, to just let things be, and see where the flow goes.
Nuh uh. Not happening. That just isn’t me; the type of person I am or choose to be. I’ve discovered something else though. Madonna (from work) actually mentioned it and it really struck me. Its very unorthodox but filled with insight (and hindsight); never give people a second chance. If someone fucks you over, then just fuck them. I don’t need those sorta useless people in my life.
That’s my problem, I always rush to make things right with people and never fight back, because everyone knows that it never hurt anybody to be the bigger person, especially for the sake of a friendship. Even when others are in the wrong, it takes a lot for me to actually say something about it. Well, FUCK that. I’m so sick and tired of being that considerate, reasonable, rational individual. I’m simply getting walked all over, forgotten about, and then tossed aside.
So I come back to my original statement. “Things” don’t make me happy, nor do they compensate for me being a horrible person.
People make me happy. Events make me happy. Celebrations make me happy. Work (most of the time) makes me happy. School (sometimes) makes me happy. The Rents make me happy. Family makes me happy.
Oh yeah, and real friends make me really happy. Needless to say, despite how bitter I may sound, I’m pretty damn happy. Life has really began to show me who’s gunna stick around, and who’s gunna bounce the second someone else comes around. It’s shown me how people can take advantage of you, and how people are huge fucking assholes. But not my friends. The few friends I do have left? They truly are a blessing. So, thanks Life, for all the life lessons. Keep ’em coming bitch. I’m ready.
(SIDEBAR: Written at 4:32 am on my BlackBerry)
